So, something I’ve learned on this rollercoaster of a year abroad so far – asking for help is SO HARD! And everyone I talk to says the same. And you don’t notice until shit hits the fan, and then at the same time as dealing with shit hitting the fan, you’re dealing with the conundrum of asking people for help – which people/what do I say/are they going to think I’m needy/do I know them well enough/and on and on. Doubt sets in. “They don’t want to hear about shit hitting the fan”. And after a few weeks, when you’re still feeling it, “they’ll think I’m just going on about the same old stuff I should be over by now”. And of course, that’s not what they think at all. Most of the time people are just glad, and sometimes even honoured, that you’ve asked them. It’s a fairly good display of trust on the askers part.
For me, sometimes just knowing there’s someone at the other end of the phone is enough. I was in a funk at the beginning of last week – I just couldn’t seem to shake it. And on Monday evening Amandine was out having fun, and I was in a funk at home. Tired and not feeling like socialising, but not socialising was contributing to the funk, it was a bit of a fix. And I didn’t want to text Amandine because she was out having fun. I was writing Elspeth an email – it’s something we’ve both said about ourselves before, we don’t like asking for help, we like being the ones who do the helping (underlying issues there I’m sure – therapists out there?) and I was saying about how I was in a funk and didn’t want to ask for help, and writing it to her it sounded so silly, there are plenty of people here, I just need to get over this not-wanting-to-ask-for-help thing and do it. So I texted Tara, who replied immediately, and straight away I felt better. So easy. One text. Mood improved. *doh*
I think it’s one of those things that will never be easy. But just knowing that, as Carly quoted on Sunday (in an unrelated context, but applicable non-the-less) “ask and thou shalt receive”. If you don’t ask for help, you won’t get it, and that’s when you run into problems.
OR, as Nigel puts it, this is all an AFGO – another fucking growth opportunity. *sigh* (He’s starting to sound like Calvin’s dad…)